I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
