The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Damn victory sex feels great
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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