dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
