So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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