What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
