we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
