in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
