How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
