you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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