Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
