considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
