"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think my moral compass just broke
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