i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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