He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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