so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All I want is dick and wine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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