Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
