almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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