Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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