He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
