You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
