He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
