On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
