how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
