I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it's great music for shaving your balls
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
