The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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