She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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