Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
