One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so let's talk penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
