know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
this will be a night to untag.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
