between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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