You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
