she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
