i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
