Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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