god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
