but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
