Im at strip club and am horny
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
