Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
