I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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