to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
