Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
