Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
