I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
