dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
