Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i will never coherently bang her
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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