College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You're like the curious george of whores
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
