the condom got lost in my hair
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
