what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
