He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
