GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
