I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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