just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
