it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
