ya dads aren't the best wingmen
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
