just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
