The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
