Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I currently don't understand fingers.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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