just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Operation Purity has been aborted
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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