It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
