What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
