I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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