plz talk dirty to me
so that wasnt chicken after all
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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