The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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