I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
