if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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