you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
