watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
