He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize