cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize