woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
