i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
