She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
