I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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