it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
