There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
