So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
