Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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