i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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