I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
