I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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