You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
