I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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