Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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