Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
